A Time of Singleness

When will I find ‘The One?’

This is a question I’d bet almost every girl has asked themselves at least once in their life. Of course, I could be wrong, but I’d also bet that I’m not.

I’ll be the first one to raise my hand and admit it without pause. In fact, I’ve asked myself this question many more times than just a solitary one. Sometimes I feel ashamed. A lot of times a sense of selfishness washes over me. Finding a significant other is indeed an important step in life, but should it be put above all other things?

For me, some days it feels like my mind is saying that it should be. It’s like this need to go out into the world and find that elusive ‘One’ just takes over every thought in my mind. It’s unhealthy, really. I have plenty of other things that are more important than daydreaming, tremendously so. I should be reading my Bible more, working on my relationship with God, developing a more intimate prayer time, helping out in the community, with my family, with improving myself. After all, how can I be searching for someone to incorporate into my life before I’m fully prepared to share it with another? What use would I bring to a man if I, myself, still have personal aspirations that only I can fulfill on my own?

I think, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, being single can actually be quite the blessing. In fact, I think it might even be intended to be as such. Even as I type this, my mind’s screaming –‘no it isn’t! Are you crazy!?’ – but I know that what I’m saying is true. Perhaps God has ordained a season of singleness for people that he knows need it, that he knows will do the most with such a time.

Then again, maybe He wants us to fully and wholeheartedly seek Him and His will in our lives before we seek intimate companionship with another person. Isn’t that one of our main goals while residing here on earth: seek to know Him more and more, so that we may spend all of eternity by His side in paradise? Maybe He wants us to fall in love with Him, before we go searching for our knight in shining armor.

One of my favorite authors, Leslie Ludy, speaks about the subject of Christian singleness so perfectly.

“Until Jesus Christ is the obsession of your heart, you’ll always be looking to mere men to meet your needs that only He can fill. Only when you make Jesus Christ your first love, will you be ready for a love story that reflects His glory.”

Her books are so in depth in their meanings and teaching of sacred and pure singleness. She’s a breath of fresh air in a world polluted by high standards, peer pressure, and premarital relations. She and her husband, Eric, have created a fine example of what God asks us countless times to do: wait on His timing. If you haven’t read their co-written book, When God Writes Your Love Story, you should definitely take the time. It’s well worth the read for younger and older men and women.

I know Singleness can be especially hard at this time of year. With Christmas parties and family-get-togethers where everyone seems to be in a relationship but you… yeah, those are tough. Not to mention when that one distant relative can’t help but to bring everyone’s attention to your single state. And then here comes New Year and that famed ‘New Year’s Kiss’… The agony!  How embarrassing!

It can sometimes feel like a curse.

But is it?

The more time I’m alone, the more time I see that I am in the wrong to be embarrassed. Because, in our search, we also forget an important single role model above all others: Jesus Christ.

How many of us have ever read a verse in the Bible where Jesus complained about His singleness? I know I haven’t found one. Because He didn’t. He’s the prime example we have in this instance (and every other). Jesus didn’t focus on finding a wife, He focused on growing a relationship with His father, helping the less fortunate, preaching the Gospel, and preparing to rid us all of our sins through His death on the Cross.

No, I’m not saying that we should never marry, I’m just saying that singleness, no matter how long the season, is a time we can spend learning our Father, doing good works, and preaching the Gospel.

There’s no need to rush and marry just to say you’re married. Go slow, take your time and see the world through different eyes. See the world through the eyes of the one who created it. It’s okay to do it alone.

So, don’t be ashamed of your singleness. Don’t pity yourself and eat that tub of ice-cream and cry about being by yourself (guilty here). At the right time, God will send you the right person if you trust Him. So, while you wait, work on your character. Work on your relationship with God. Volunteer in your community. Pray for God to teach you in this time of sacred singleness. Be happy, be a blessing to others. And don’t forget to smile, because even if you feel alone, you aren’t. God will never leave you.

Merry Christmas!

– Tiffany

 

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”  -1 Corinthians 7:32-35

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” –Mathew 6:33

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” –Psalm 37:4

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” –Hebrews 13:5

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18 thoughts on “A Time of Singleness

  1. I definitely understand the “push” to not be single. I actually fasted (it wasn’t a long fast) in prayer for God to place the person I was to marry in my life, and 2 weeks later He did. 🙂 But that’s not what I wanted to say, I wanted to tell you singleness IS a blessing! You should definitely think of it as so. I LOVE my family and I’d never trade them…but, if I could go back I would enjoy those single moments just a little more and have faith that God would put someone in my life at just the perfect time. Blessings!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well said. God is good and He always has a plan, we just gotta get out of the way and let it work. Sometimes that’s being single for a season. I plan to let the girls in the youth group at church read this, they’re already in such a hurry to find Mr. Perfect. They overlook the fact that He is already here, died on the cross for them 2000 years ago and is knocking waiting to enter into relationship with them and bless them beyond their wildest dreams. When we put it all in His hands and just let Him lead it is more wonderful than we could possibly hope.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This turns out to be the theme of my upcoming memoir. Thought it took me a while to get there, I finally stopped beating myself up for wanting a man. I realized it was only natural. But I did pray for God to take away the desire or send me a good one. It’s okay to be human, but you are also wise and right on target with your awareness. I love the quote by Leslie Ludy and the comforting scripture. I hope it’s okay if I share this on my Facebook author page. (JoAnne Silvia)

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thanks for following my site, “Write Light.” My two daughters and one son have talked to me about being a Christian single and living to please God. My twenty-seven year old daughter got married almost a year ago to her best friend. She used to blog about being single and about some of her concerns. God bless you!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Lovely post! 🙂 I agree with everything you said. I used to be upset about being single as well, but I see now that I wasn’t ready; and I’m still not. And I’m okay with that now. It took a while to realize that. This was very encouraging, thank you for posting this. 🙂

    I have “When God Writes Your Love Story” in my to be read stack right now. 🙂 I love the Set Apart Girl magazine, the website, and Eric Ludy’s sermons so I’m sure that I’ll love the book too.

    P.S.: Thanks for the follow. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You express wisdom in this beautiful blog post! I think singleness can be a holy calling, for a time or a life. Marriage is built on many mundane moments and not perfect romance. Jesus loves us like none other ever can. We also need Christian friends. Blessings to you in the new year!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hello,

    You are right on track. This was advice I got years ago and it really helped. When you get your life centered on Christ all the pieces of your life and whoever is in your life, line up. Thanks for sharing your lesson. God’s timing in perfect.

    In Christ,

    Gary

    Liked by 1 person

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